I live in the “real world” just like you, and I know that not everyday can look like a honeymoon, but I also strongly believe that most married couples settle for an existence of mediocrity when something much greater is within their reach. As I’ve interacted with couples from all over the globe, I’ve found some trends that can help move a marriage from “average” to “awesome.” Here’s how to get started:
1. Don’t let fantasy take you away from reality.
There’s a strong temptation in marriage to spice things up by escaping into fantasy. For men, this usually involves porn and for women, this often involves movies or books which steamy story lines. It might feel like it’s “spicing things up” in the moment, but in the longterm, it is actually desensitizing you in dangerous ways. Our emotional detachment to those kinds of fantasies can ultimately create detachment in our marriages. Work together to make your reality something better than any fantasy.
2. Create “Milestone Memories” together.
When you look back on your marriage, I believe a few key milestone memories will stand out. Those memories usually require planning and a strategic investment of time and resources to make it possible, but those investments pay off! Create a unified “bucket list” and find ways to share those experiences.
3. Keep discovering new things about each other.
Never think you’ve got your spouse completely figured out. Learning about each other is a lifelong voyage of discovery. Shares stories from your past, perspective on the present and hopes about the future.
4. Find a way to change the world together.
This one is easier than it sounds! The happiest couples I know tend to serve together in some kind of meaningful way. It may be volunteering in your community, serving in your church or supporting a cause that has significance to you both. For Ashley and me, it’s working together to help others build stronger marriages and it has definitely strengthened our own marriage in the process.
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